


Five Succulent Delicacies Volstagg Tasted Thanks to Thor (and One He Tasted Thanks to Tony Stark)

by misura



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Eating, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-08
Updated: 2013-09-08
Packaged: 2017-12-30 04:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1014021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Or, well, two he tasted thanks to Thor, two he tasted thanks to Loki, one he tasted thanks to Hogun and one he tasted thanks to Tony Stark, but what kind of title would <i>that</i> be?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Succulent Delicacies Volstagg Tasted Thanks to Thor (and One He Tasted Thanks to Tony Stark)

.01

" _Snails?_ " Volstagg bellowed.

Thor laughed and took another hearty bite. From a plate full of _snails_.

"Singular, possibly," Loki said. Volstagg had noticed the modesty of his helping earlier, and ascribed it to Loki's general inability to enjoy the finer things in life. Given the choice, he had little doubt Loki would have prefered to remain behind, with his musty, dusty books, instead of setting out and see the Realms.

"You permit these people to feed us _snails_?"

"Succulent, aren't they?" Fandral commented to Hogun, who had (now that Volstagg thought about it) heaped his plate with an outright suspicious amount of vegetables. "Well worth the trip, I'd say."

"They live in the swamps nearby," Loki said. "Quite ferocious, or so I've been told. Some may grow to twice the size of a man."

"Perhaps we shall hunt a few, then," Thor said. "Tomorrow. What say you, my friends? Shall we see if we may find ourselves some sport here?"

"Hunting _snails_?"

 

.02

"By the fiery red hairs of my beard!" Volstagg said, sagging down against the blessedly safely closed door. He still faintly heard an angry buzzing sound from beyond.

Sif laughed, as if she had not fled as ignominiously as the rest of them in the face of this particular enemy. Loki, too, was smiling slightly, although in his case, Volstagg figured it was simply a matter of Loki having a damn odd sense of humor on occasion, due to his thinking too much.

"Thus are Asgard's finest warriors brought low," Thor said, sounding decidedly cheerful.

"By mere insects," Loki said.

"Will they wait for us?" Fandral asked. "Our supplies certainly weren't meant to last more than a day."

"These are no ordinary bees," Thor said. "These are the bees producing the honey for the finest mead served in Asgard, and thus in all the Nine Realms. They are dilligent, hard-working creatures."

"Bloody vicious, too."

"They were defending their home, as good warriors should," Thor said. "So come now, let us drink a toast to their bravery."

"With _what_?" Volstagg asked, feeling as peevish as he sounded.

Thor grinned. "We will find many a casket in the cellar. Tonight, we shall feast - tomorrow morning, when our fierce opponents slumber still, we shall depart and leave them to their peaceful labor."

 

.03

"Madness," Volstagg declared, helping himself to another slice of the wedding cake.

"Well, it's all for a good cause," Fandral said. "And at least Loki is convincing. I mean, can you imagine trying to pull off this scheme with _Thor_ pretending to be a blushing bride?"

"It was Loki's plan." And the moment he'd heard it, Volstagg had assumed that it would, indeed, be Thor who was to play the part of the bride. It was, after all, at Thor's insistence that they were here.

Although it was due to Loki's intervention that they were here eating cake, rather than showing some rather rude people what happened when one offended one of Odin's sons.

"So? Who's to say he can't just as easily turn you or me into a woman as he can do it to himself?"

"Loki said that," Sif said. "He also wanted me to add that the two of you might want to shut up now."

Volstagg glanced over to the other end of the room, where a beautiful dark-haired woman who was wearing far too tight clothing stood exchanging pleasantries with some poor bastard who was under the impression he was going to get married today.

"Fine," he said, reaching for the cake again.

 

.04

"Hot!" Volstagg cried, reaching for his cup and disgruntled to find it empty. "Hot, hot hot!" From the way his mouth was feeling, he was amazed his beard had not yet caught fire.

Their hosts, being the friendly, polite folks that they were did not laugh and made all agreeable haste to refill his cup with their special wine - some of his companions, alas, proved less restrained.

"Did I not warn you to taste carefully and to limit your appetite?" Thor asked, in between laughter. "I so told him, did I not?"

"Yes," Loki said. He was smiling, amused, as was perhaps justified. Volstagg knew, though, that if there were to be any lingering effects of this mouth-burning dish he had just partaken of so unwisely, Loki would be the one to remedy them - and without blabbing to all of Asgard about it, too.

Loki was a good friend, when a man truly needed one.

"A waste of breath," Fandral said. "Tell Volstagg to curb his lust for food? Might as well tell Sif to restrain her ferocity in a battle."

Sif smiled. Unlike Fandral, she had not limited her plate's contents to safe, familiar foods. She was sampling them cautiously, though, ever making sure a full cup of soothing, cooling liquid was at hand.

One of their hosts spoke to Hogun, who grinned and then turned back to his companions. "My elder asks: are these the great warriors of Asgard about whose courage I have told him so much?"

"A challenge!" Thor jumped up, narrowly avoiding throwing over the low table they had all been seated at. "A challenge, my friends! Shall we let Hogun's people think us unworthy of his company?"

Fandral sighed. Volstagg pondered how best to excuse himself, then noticed Loki's lips, curved into a smile, followed by a minty, fresh sensation in his mouth.

"I do not believe brave Volstagg has admitted defeat just yet," Loki said.

"Good man!" Thor said, slapping his shoulder.

 

.05

"Peculiar," Volstagg said, smacking his lips a little. "Most peculiar."

"Jotun food," Thor said dismissively, although Volstagg noticed he had finished off his own portion of the delicacy quickly enough - if not quickly enough to vie with Volstagg for a second helping.

"The frozen wastes of Jotunheim sound quite attractive at present." Fandral sighed. "For want of those, though, this frozen dish will do most admirably. Much safer, too, no doubt."

"Safety, pah!" Thor glanced at the empty container.

"It does seem to melt rather quickly." Sif licked her fingers.

Loki smiled and spread his hands. "Unavoidable, I am afraid. The freezing spell is only on the container, not on the substance itself."

"It's very good," Hogun said.

"Thank you."

"And what do you call this dish, friend Loki?" Volstagg asked. "So that I may sing its praises in the great hall this evening?"

"It has no name," Loki said. "Yet."

 

.01

"The outer crust seems a trifle dry," Volstagg said, chewing.

"Yeah," Tony said. "You're not actually supposed to eat that part. It's ... the wrapping. You fold it open, see, like this, and then you eat what's on the inside."

"Ah. I understand." Midgard certainly had changed since his last visit - or second-last, actually, although when he had come here in search of Thor, there had been but little time for food. "Like a fruit. One needs to peel off the skin before enjoying the juicy goodness within." He wondered from what trees such a large fruit might grow.

Tony peeled his own 'burger', looking deep in thought. "I think I'm going to go with 'yes' here."

Volstagg wondered what was preying on Thor's friend's mind, then decided it wiser not to pry. If there was an enemy to fight, he would be directed at it - until then, he was content to rest and eat.

Loki, too, had spent a lot of time thinking, after all, and look at where _he_ had ended up.


End file.
